Chapter 903 Sonia’s Reassurance
After Sonia’s explanation, Toby widened his eyes before turning around abruptly. Though his eyes were still red from anger, his pupils were trembling. He was agitated and elated over what Sonia had said.
Toby thought that Sonia was lamenting on why he wouldn’t continue being Connor’s substitute, and on why he wouldn’t turn back into that gentle Toby Fuller. He felt a surge of anger rising and wanted to question her if she really liked his past self to the extent of asking him to be just a stand-in.
If his mother had raised him purely without basing it on her own preference, and Sonia chose to like the past him, at most, he would be slightly upset, but would not be angry about it. The reason being, that would still be the real him.
However, his past self was molded in the shape of Connor. How could Toby accept this should Sonia prefer his past self over the present him? It would be as if she had never loved him and had only ever loved the illusion of his character.
Fortunately, her words after that completely quelled his anger.
It turned out that Sonia loved not the illusion of his character, but his true self—who he really was on the inside. Why else would Sonia say that she was glad that Toby did not return to how he was before?
That was because Sonia knew Toby was not just a substitute for Connor. He was Toby Fuller; he was his own person. He should have had his own personality that was untainted by another person.
And so, Sonia congratulated him on turning back into who he was meant to be.
After Sonia congratulated him, Toby couldn’t hold back his elation and agitation any longer. He took swift steps toward Sonia and tightly embraced her in his arms. With how tight his embrace was, it was as if he wanted to merge with her into becoming one person.
“Sonia… Sonia… Sonia!” Toby leaned his head on her shoulder and continued crying out her name. Each cry of his was filled with heavy emotions. It was just as heavy as the tone of his voice.
Looking at the man, Sonia knew the reason for the man’s agitation.
It was because of what she said.
She clearly knew the influence her words would have on him.
When the man found out that he was just a substitute that was fostered by his mother, he would subconsciously question his own existence, questioning whether he should’ve been born into this world.
To be born into this world, yet denied from being his own person. To not be able to be his true self but just somebody else’s stand-in. Thus, a sense of disgust was born inside of the man. As a result, he rejected his own existence.
However, Sonia’s words were an acknowledgment of his existence. She was telling him that there was a meaning for him to be here in this world and that he wasn’t just a stand-in for somebody else.
He was his own person. He was Toby Fuller.
Naturally, Toby got agitated by her words and rushed to embrace her in joy.
“That’s enough now.” Sonia smiled while patting Toby’s back before she softly said, “You should let go of me first. I can’t breathe properly with how tightly you’re hugging me.”
Toby lessened his strength in his embrace, but did not release her from his embrace as he continued to hold her in his arms. At this moment, he couldn’t do so. It was only by holding her in his arms could he believe that what he just heard was true.
Sonia felt amused and helpless as she could feel Toby being reluctant to break their embrace. The gap between a usually independent, distant man and a man who was clinging onto her like a child now was indeed amusing to her.
Fine. I should just let it be if he wants to continue hugging me.
Since Sonia was no longer asking for the man to let go of her and had decided to allow the man to continue hugging her, she continued patting his back and comforted him. “Don’t worry. No matter what happens, you’ll have me by your side. Not only me, but Grandma, Jean, and even Tyler are by your side as well. We all know that you are your own person, and not just another person’s substitute.”
Although she did not want to mention Jean, she had to bear her aversion for Jean and mention Jean’s name in order to comfort the man.
At this point, Toby was still quiet and had buried his head right at Sonia’s neck. He only muffled a sound as an indication that he was listening and would take her words into mind. And so, Sonia did not say anything more, and the two of them stayed silent as they continued to be in each other’s arms.
It was only when Sonia’s phone rang did Toby reluctantly release her.
She took out her phone and smiled when she saw the caller ID. “It’s Mrs. Lane. She’s probably calling to ask what you like to eat so that she can prepare them for tonight’s dinner.”
After Toby took a glance at the caller ID, his emotions became much better. “Answer her. I’ll leave for the study first.”
Toby still needed to take time to calm himself down. Though Sonia had said much and somewhat comforted him, he still needed to think about certain things himself. After all, it was his own mother. He—as her son—needed to process what his own mother had done to him.
Sonia understood where Toby was coming from, which was why she had not objected when Toby wanted to leave for the study, and instead nodded in agreement. However, she believed that he would take no time at all in the study after the encouragement she gave. That was why she was relieved even though Toby was going to process things by himself at this time.
“Go ahead. I’ll call you when it’s time for lunch,” Sonia said while looking at Toby.
With a slight nod, Toby turned around and left for the study.
Sonia then called Mrs. Lane back after watching Toby enter the study. Due to Sonia watching Toby intently, the ringing had stopped as she did not answer the call even after some time had passed. Now, she had to call her back instead.
After Toby entered the study and closed the door, he stood with his back against the door and closed his eyes slightly as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He wore an expression that was full of fatigue—both physically and mentally.
He’d always thought that although he was born for the purpose of his mother’s freedom, his mother still loved him, and that her love for him was pure and untainted by any other feelings. Yet, he only found out now just how wrong he was.
His mother did love him, but it was not just a simple mother’s love. At the very least, he would never be able to reach Connor’s position in his mother’s heart.
For the sake of Connor, his mother nurtured him into the likes of Connor. In her heart, as long as she could relieve her longing for her lover, whether or not her son had a character of his own did not matter. Even so, in order to make his mother happy and not disappoint her, he still tried his best in becoming someone gentle even when he disliked it.
It was all because his mother liked it.
He knew that his mother was unhappy about getting married to his father, which was why Toby chose to become someone he didn’t like in order to make his mother happy. Yet, everything was just a lie in the end. It was all a lie!
Toby hung his head with both his hands clenched into fists. Due to how hard he was clenching his hands, his arms trembled slightly with his veins bulged. The air around him turned frightfully cold.
Toby had not doubted Sonia’s words and even believed her instantly. In the past, he would always have the suspicion of his mother looking at someone else through him, but he never had any proof for his suspicion and thought that he was mistaken.
Yet, he realized that he wasn’t wrong with his suspicion the moment Sonia said that his past self was just like Connor. His mother was looking at someone else through him as Toby was specifically nurtured to be the substitute for Connor.
Just a stand-in!
This was a mockery to Toby.
To think he, Toby Fuller, the head of the Fullers, would one day be someone else’s stand-in.
And that someone else might even be his father’s murderer!
He couldn’t forgive his mother’s actions. Although he would still give her his respect, he would no longer give her his love. After all, no one would be able to accept just being a stand-in for someone else, much less him, Toby Fuller.
Nevertheless, he did not care anymore. Neither the fact that his mother treated him as a substitute and never fully treated him as her son nor loved her son with all of her heart mattered anymore. Now, even without his mother, there were other people who truly loved him.
Little Leaf, and Grandma, they both love me a lot.
After Little Leaf knew that how he was before was specifically nurtured according to someone else, she immediately let go of her fond memories of his past self and accepted the current him.
This sentiment of hers was enough for him to remember her for the rest of his life.
