I sensed that Lucas had been very secretive lately. He did not come to my place often, and when he did, he only stayed for a short while. After a few words with me, he would praise Silas before he left, saying how awesome Silas was.
In the morning, when I woke up, I would take the calendar and tore a page from it. Each time, the 3-month calendar would have one page less. In the blink of an eye, it was much thinner. It seemed that there was not much left of the remaining days.
Silas hung the calendar back in place and wheeled me out for breakfast. I did not have much appetite, but he insisted that I eat, so I took a few mouthfuls. At that, I sighed. “I’ve been here for a month already. Tell me, when a person’s life is on a countdown to two months, what can she do?”
I did not expect him to say anything because he had never spoken to me. However, today, he seemed to be pondering over something. After a while, he brought over a printing block and put it in front of me. Then, he placed my hand on the block. It was the type of block that the blinds used, where we could feel the words on it by touch.
It was a simple phrase, and I was able to recognize it after feeling it a few times. He had written: Spend every day meaningfully with the person you love.
Ugh! Even though he knew that I could not be with Christopher, he just had to mention this, huh? I tossed the block aside and sighed. “I would not be meeting him. I’m already dying, so I do not want him to see me suffering as I die.”
After a while, Silas wrote another sentence for me. This time it was a bit longer, and I took a long time to feel it to recognize it. It read: You believe that this is the best thing to do. Perhaps he is in pain now because you have left him, and he would rather be with you.
I was silent for a long time, lifting my eyes to the ceiling. “You don’t understand, Silas, and you won’t understand. It is so painful to watch the life force of someone you love slowing ebbing away. On the deserted island, I held Christopher in my arms. He was dying like how I am now. His whole body was cold, and his breathing shallow and weak. At that moment, I wished that I could die first, so I wouldn’t have to let him see this. I didn’t want to be so cruel!”
Soon after that, Silas quickly wrote another sentence. He seemed quite urgent as I could hear his rapid breathing. After writing it, he put my hand on the board once again, and my fingers slid across the text: He is willing to face it with you. This is not cruelty but love.
“Please stop! Please don’t say anymore!” I was afraid I would be swayed if he went on. From the time I knew Christopher, we had never been apart for such a long time. There was once when we were away from each other for a week, and I almost went crazy.
I had not seen him for a month, except for that one time I called Sabrina but called Christopher by mistake. I heard Christopher’s voice through the phone, and that was already more than enough for me.
“Silas, I don’t know your story. As for me and my husband, we were destined for suffering. It took a lot of determination on my part to leave him, so please do not weaken my resolution. What if I really can’t take it anymore, and I go back to him?”
That night, I had a nightmare. I dreamed that I was back at sea, and there was Christopher, lying on the reef, dying. His lower abdomen was bleeding, so I put pressure on the wound and kept shouting his name, but he did not respond.
Then, a boat came, and I tried to move toward the beach with him on my back. After a few steps, someone suddenly pushed us to the ground. Soon, the boat sailed away and left us on the beach. I shouted in fear when it went further and further. Screaming on top of my lungs, I wanted the boat to stop, but no one aboard paid any attention to me. Everyone looked at me with an indifferent expression on their faces.
There was nothing I could do but stare helplessly at Christopher’s gradually weakened breathing while his body slowly turned cold. Desperate and afraid, I wailed and cried aloud.
“Christopher… Christopher…” I jolted up from the nightmare and felt around the bed beside me, fearful and afraid. However, there was no one. I then became desperate and started clawing in the air. Because I was so flustered, I toppled the water bottle on the table accidentally. I then lost my balance and fell out of the bed.
However, a pair of strong arms lifted me up, and I fell into a warm embrace. For some odd reason, it felt all too familiar, and my heart started thumping. At some point, the bandage had slipped, and I saw Christopher through the gap of my bandage, carrying me carefully and gazing at me tenderly.
